Unfeeling: Becoming an Emotional Wreck

I am at most times unemotional. Many people say I’m selfish and self serving but I have learned over time to survive on my own and mind my own business.

During my childhood, I was mostly alone. The 2 neighborhood kids I befriended were at most play mates and since we didn’t attend the same schools (both western and Islamic) we were hardly able to meet.

Like most parents, mine didn’t want me to go outside so I spent most of the time indoors watching TV. By Junior Secondary one JS1 I could recall one thousand movies that I have watched. This didn’t help my social skills one bit and further isolated me from my peers.

At 11 years I was shipped to boarding school in a far away Daura town. It was a rewarding experience which I will write on some day. But for a kid with no real friend and zero social skills I felt stranded and bewildered.

I learnt to survive on my own the hard way. Mates you thought got your back turned out to be only looking out for themselves. I have no qualms about it because we were all trying to survive.

I remember being detached while in school, the moment I set my foot in the school premises everything and everyone from home is forgotten or set aside. It made it easier the bear the absence. Coupled with the fact that we didn’t have cell phones then so it was hard to communicate or call home.

I remember then the call tariff was billed per minute so it’s always “Hi dad it’s me, call back” and even then it’s only when I’m dead broke or the school is requesting something.

I isolated myself further because I couldn’t afford most things and preferred to not participate rather than admit the lack. I won’t lie this sucked big time and I missed out on a lot of the fun AND mischief.

It was there I learnt to have transactional relationships and to be selfish.